On Mixed Emotions

A trip to Cebu is always something to look forward too. It is a time for beaches, daily fiesta like meals, balut-ice cream midnight snacks, “discos”, late night kwentuhans. It is an opportunity to spend time with family and simply bond.

I will be flying to Cebu this Friday. I am happy that I will see my relatives again whom I have not seen months or years ago. However, it is a not trip that I am looking forward too mainly due to the purpose of the trip itself. All flights lead to Cebu to celebrate the life of my grandmother.

Things are different now. There will be an empty chair on the corner of the living room. There will be no voice heard praying the novena. There will be no one to prepare Milo/Ovaltine in the mornings even if I find it weird. There will be no one to call me up and greet me on my birthday with matching pansit or spaghetti to celebrate my special day.

Things may be different. I may have physically lost my grandmother but instead, I gained another angel who will continue to pray for me and watch over me from above. I believe that those twinkling things in the sky at night are not stars. Those are openings from heaven from Lola still pouring her love and shining down on me letting me know that she is in a better place and happy.

Trips to Cebu may not be the same but still is something to look forward too. Beaches, daily fiesta like meals, balut-ice cream midnight snacks, “discos”, late night kwentuhans will still be there. More importantly, my family will always be there waiting for me with a huge smile and warm hug.

Thank you Lola for instilling in me the concept of family. You will truly be missed but never forgotten. I love you. Until we meet again.

On Life and Death

The concept of life and death is a fact. It is final which no one can escape. When one starts to live one starts to die. And when one has fully accepted the reality of death, then one starts to fully live.

Despite this knowledge, the transition of physically losing a loved one and gaining an angel is a struggle. It is doubly difficult for those who are left behind. It is with great effort to live each day knowing that one cannot feel the warmth and hear the voice of the other who has moved on to a better place. But there is only one right thing to do – be strong! Savor the happy moments shared and be thankful that the physical suffering is over. This is what Lola wants and this is how it will be.

Life goes on – my journey here and your eternal journey. Bon voyage! Until we meet again. Thank you and love you.