On Savage

3 girls and 8 boys
Up against a whole classroom
Tell me whats savage

On 12 to 4

Running up and down
going with the flow of things
underneath the sun

Skin getting darker
feet burning,  shrugging it off
for the love of disc

On Agony of Defeat

That feeling when you reach the semis as second seed and lose to the team you often beat during pick ups and eventually end up fourth on your bracket. That feeling when you find out that there is a trophy for third place. That feeling of pain you get when you fail to meet your goal...it sucks big time.

I ask myself, why do I waste my time and effort practicing two times a week during weekdays instead of spending time with family, having dinner with friends or going out for a date if it will only lead me to this agony? Why do I spend money traveling all the way to dirty south to play a game wherein I have no idea where the registration fee went since the field is technically free, only two portalets, no proper equipment provided, no marshals and the ice provided is limited? Why do I allow myself to get into this situation?

:(

On Pick Ups Sunday

Younger brother asked me if I wanted to join his team. I agreed because I want to get back in the groove. But I also informed him ahead of time about my limitations. Despite my conditions, his team openly accepted me.

I had my first pick up with the team earlier. It was an opportunity to meet my teammates and test out my knee. Knee felt better compared to my last stint at the Circle. I was able to play 6-8 points (I lost count) under the scorching heat without any substitutions. It was a given that my throws are a continuous work in progress. But it felt great that my teammates acknowledged my game play. I still lag behind but at least a few steps nalang.

Truly, hard work does pay off. More of it and oh yeah!!!

Anniversary Bang

Happy anniversary to my knee. A year has passed since that life changing event. Despite the time that has elapsed I do not feel 100%. I can run but not accelerate into a sprint. I can jump but not leap. Physically I know I need to strengthen myself in order to get back in shape. My Rehab and Orthopedic doctors gave me their clearance months ago. It is all up to me to get my healthy lifestyle back. However, I use work as an excuse for eating my time. Am I afraid that I wont get back my old form?

In basketball, I am not the best offensive player. I am weak and small so it is a disadvantage for me to rough it up in the shaded area. My outside shooting percentage is not accurate too. My dribbling and passing needs work as well. I could say that my bread and butter is defense. I could hound the ball handler anytime. I could swipe the ball while the opponent goes for a break away layup. I could sacrifice my body to get a charge. I could block the bigs from the blindside.

In ultimate, my throws badly needs improvement. I only know flick and backhand. In addition, I get rattled especially when I am marked and throw Hail Mary passes. I could play mid but I need to work on the timing of my cuts. I could play long and catch those huck throws like a dog. But just like in basketball, I live in defense specifically in zone.

However, with my not fully healed knee how could I do all those things that I mentioned? It is very frustrating indeed. Yet, I have to start somewhere in order to move forward. And what great way to honor my comeback through playing in my first ever international tournament!

I joined a team which was only formed for the tournament. Lacing up my cleats and stepping on the field gave me butterflies again for I know physically I am not 100%. All that aside, I could not ask for a better first experience. I really learned tons of stuff and met new people from various parts of Asia.

It was truly a great honor to play in team who really loves the game and with excellent spirit. Though it still pains me to think that we lost by Universal, as a first timer reaching the finals was a bonus. It may appear as a failure of not winning the championship. Yet, it is just a lost game, not heart. Now I am one step closer to getting my mojo back to success.

On Life Without IT

My June 11 incident was a huge turning point in my life. In my almost 3 decades of existence, IT had been a huge part in my way of life. Patintero, piko, 10-20, land-water-air and agawan base were my recess during my elementary years. Eventually, basketball, badminton and table tennis became my lunch and my snacks. Basically, I sleep and breathe IT.

Despite other worldly obligations I made ways to attend to this yearning. There was something about IT that made my body long for more. Even if my body is ached I shrugged it off and continue. Then on one dreadful Saturday it appeared that my body took so much punishment and my knee told me to have a break.

Yet, being me, I tested my knee for another tournament. Success rate was obviously not met that led to frustration. I was able to perform but in the level I know I could have if my body was ready. Opponents got the best of me. Due to my incapability to perform how I know I can, I made the decision to take a rest to attend to my body.

Dark ages arrived. While my teammates and friends sweated it out, I was stuck at home resting or at rehab. The feeling sucked big time. But eventually I got used to living without IT. At least I did not have to experience the agony of defeat.

But is it worth living a life without undergoing the whole process of preparation, anxiety and the highs and lows IT brings?

On Go Signal

You make me do things which I never thought I could accomplish. Even if I am tired, I find the energy within me to continue. Despite all the adversities I encounter I continue to fight. Some say I am crazy for wasting my time since you are a dead end. But what can I do, I fell in love.

I may be stupid for falling. Falling in love is so hard on the knees (literally and figuratively). I am currently under rehabilitation strengthening myself after the fall. I am excited for our reunion. On the other hand I am afraid. Sacred that things will not be the same.

I have the go signal to run. Now if only my knee would cooperate and let me run like a cheetah. For now I must train movement, not muscles. No pressure. When I am ready, I will be back. When I say go I hope and pray that you will welcome me with open arms.

On The End?

Coming together 2 years ago was a huge challenge. A group of people from different backgrounds decided to join forces. It was a rough journey and it is still. But there was progress for people who stuck together. Eventually glimpses of success was experienced when the team took the initiative to work together. But where are we right now?

It saddens to know that something you put time and effort on is slowly disintegrating. It takes time, effort and discipline to be part of a team. But it takes more sacrifice to form one and work as one.

Is this the end of the road?

Huwag naman sana. Sana mayroon pa akong maabutan sa panahon na magaling na ako....

On Spirits

Almost all Philippine based Ultimate player is still on a Spirits high. Facebook posts say it all. I on the other hand is super ingit that I was not able to join the tournament again. Of all the days why that weekend? Haha, asa, as if I could play.

Hay, self-control. Stop looking at things that will put my spirits low. What's done is done. I should put all my efforts on getting better so I could play on Spirits 2012!

* Okay lang naman mangarap diba?

On Hobby

If you do something regularly it would be difficult to get out of it especially if it is something you have invested on and is already a huge part of your life. I started to engage in sports at an early age. I first picked up a basketball when I was at Kinder. During summer vacations, I would play patintero, cops and robbers, monkey-monkey and the like with my cousins and neighbors. My parents also enrolled me at swimming classes when I was seven. During grade school, I ate lunch under a tree at the driveway. After 20 minutes, I was up and about and played patintero, land-water-air, 10-20 or relay. Dismissal was time for badminton and shooting some baskets.

At grade 6 I became a member of the basketball varsity until I graduated highschool. When I entered college, I had every intention to stop and concentrate on my studies but someone approached me and asked me to play and I did. I had a short break when I got employed and picked up a badminton racket once a week to keep fit. But I eventually got back to basketball with my fellow addicts. Iba na talaga pag first love.

Come 2009 I was introduced to my second love – Ultimate. Mondays weren't that blue and Wednesdays weren't camel-like anymore because I had something to look forward after work on non-basketball days. Clearly, my life evolved around sports.

Over the past two weeks I stopped my urge to engage in sports. I choose to distance myself with my teammates so I won't get jealous. Then again, who am I kidding? My mind is in tuned with what's happening to my teams.

My officemate asked me, other than sports, what do I do? I cannot seem to find an answer and reflected if I can a life without sports. I think would go insane. But I am still alive after two weeks. I guess one of these days I will learn to accept a routine without sports. I just need to pick up another hobby.

Any suggestions?

Para Sa Iba

The moment I landed I knew there was something wrong. But the competitor in me kept going and finished the game. Despite the pain in my knee (I forbid to call it an injury), I finished the remaining games of summer league and continued to play in another tournament in which I never missed a practice and game.

If logic should take into play, I should have an "injury timeout". Everyone is telling me to have a break and that I am punishing my body. But I promised myself once a upon a time that I will continue to engage in sports as long as my body can.

I got in night league. Many were not fortunate enough to make the cut. Is this a sign for a last hurrah before having a break? But I am having second thoughts. I know that if I do, I would be pushing my body to the limit once again. This would be a great opportunity to test how far I can go.

I know that I am not 100%. I cannot sprint nor leap. But as they say, "laging mayroong paraan kapag gugustuhin". I can still run and jump. Despite my current physical condition, I was able to give end zone assists and catch the disc. The question is, will I be contented with this mediocre performance?

Nakaka-frustrate! Kaso gaanon talaga. Weak ako! Ang maganda sa ngayon, tanggap ko nang mahina na ako. Pero nagpapalakas na ako para sa iba.

On Nightmare

I have been going through sleepless nights. And if ever I do get the opportunity to get some "sleep" I make the most out of it wishing when I wake up the pain would not be there anymore. Sadly the first few steps are always dreadful.

This is the reality and the reality is freaking me out. I cannot begin to think how life is without two of the things that keep me sane. As a “trying hard” athlete this is a nightmare.

I placed myself in this situation so what else can I do but suck it up. I am only a “trying hard” athlete and not a professional. Is this a sign for me to explore life outside the sports scene? Then again,this is just on horrible nightmare that will eventually pass.

On MRI

Laid on the hard "bed"
Stood up for a CR break
Liquids out, Inhaled

Laid on the hard "bed"
Headphones on to mask the noise
Positioned leg left

Slowly I went up
Inside the machine I go
Hola, MRI

The soothing music
Was drowned by the random sounds
Keep still, Katitay

30 minutes passed
Movement out from the machine
That was it, pansit

Results please be kind.

On Championships

When will my time come?

On Second Opinion

Today marks the second month of the eventful day when I landed on both of my folded knees. The pain is not that grave anymore. I can run, but I cannot sprint. I can jump, but I cannot leap. Since it has been THAT long and the pain has not completely subsided, I decided to get a second opinion.

Ortho did not look at my x-ray. He just looked at the reading, asked me questions regarding what happened, pinched my knee and moved my leg like a puppet. Based from that he concluded that I have ACL. He looked so sure about it. Parang wala lang, ACL yan. Taena!

After my consultation with Ortho, I was endorsed to the Rehab doctor. Rehab doctor read the "letter" from Ortho and basically asked the same questions. This time around Rehab checked the x-ray. Then she created a physical therapy plan for my left knee and tight quads/hams. Hello to another 6 sessions of PT! But take note that ACL related exercises/activities were not included in the plan.

Oh well towel. Results of the MRI on August 23 will have the answer. I wish and pray that this is just a nuisance alarm. A wake up call not to overwork my body. No, I would like to think that this is just a wake up call to be more diligent in taking care of my body and to take time for strengthening and flexibility.

Kuya Jess isinusuko ko na po ang lahat sa Inyo.
Kayo na po ang bahala sa akin.
Salamat.

On Moving On

I realized that trying to move on is useless. It is difficult. As long as there is still something lingering there is a possibility that I would fail. Whenever I deny the pain I would just fool myself and risk my well-being.

Thank you that when I opened my eyes I felt calm and relaxed. The pain is still there but not that intense anymore. Then and there I knew that the turmoil is almost over.

Here we go again! Baby steps... :)

On Long Term

Am I ready for a long term commitment?
How would life be if my time with the things I enjoy are compromised?
Would I still be sane?

Do the pros weigh heavier than the cons?
Am I willing to sacrifice temporary pleasure for long term goals?
Am I ready to take that huge step to be that person?

Abangan...

On Lines

I lined up patiently for my turn. When my turn finally arrived, I made the most out of it. I desperately tried to wash out the dirt which accumulated after I rolled like a pig on the muddy field countless times. What can I do if I am resourceful enough and was able to start shampooing before it was my turn? Skillful enough to get soap and stay a little longer to help another teammate who was next in line?

To the dakdakeras, if you want to wash up, I suggest that you line up patiently and wait for your turn rather than blabbing your mouth.

Thank you.

On Throws

If it works, why fix it?

The essential thing is to reach point B from point A. It may not be the best of the best deliveries, but I have been successful... a couple of times.

Case A:
The single point against a top team was a fruit of my assist and of course the dive of my teammate after the opponent deflected the disc.

Case B:
I have been kinda successful during begnite, minus the direct low passes that got deflected.

Self, do not be hard headed. Time to go back to basics for fundamentals is the key. No more tamad throws. Hello to lounge level throws. Hopefully confidence will follow.

On Team Sport

I was immersed in sports at a very young age. During summer, I used to play those kiddies running games aka monkey monkey, shake shake shampoo, etc. with my cousins from my mom's side and neighbors. During Sunday lunch with my dad's side, I was the saling pusa when my cousins played ball at the garden. At school, lunch was reserved for patintero or 10-20 and dismissal was for badminton, kickball, table tennis, shooting or whatever game we came up with. Come grade 6, I was asked to join the basketball varsity. Basketball has been a huge part of my life until I graduated high school. Come college I planned to concentrate on my studies but things did not turn out as planned. I was recruited during Fresh Start and played the whole 4 years. When I started to work, there was badminton Mondays. Yet I still felt sluggish. I felt that my concern was heard. One of my college teammates YM-ed me and asked if I was interested to join their competitive team. As if basketball was not enough and I entertained Ultimate.

In the numerous games, tournaments, leagues or whatever you call those, I only experienced one championship. But this hasn't stopped me from playing and giving my all in each instance. I guess I would not stop until my body cannot take it anymore.

Fact: In every team sport there will always be a winning team and a losing team. I always strive to be part of the winning team. How about you?