On Pick Ups Sunday

Younger brother asked me if I wanted to join his team. I agreed because I want to get back in the groove. But I also informed him ahead of time about my limitations. Despite my conditions, his team openly accepted me.

I had my first pick up with the team earlier. It was an opportunity to meet my teammates and test out my knee. Knee felt better compared to my last stint at the Circle. I was able to play 6-8 points (I lost count) under the scorching heat without any substitutions. It was a given that my throws are a continuous work in progress. But it felt great that my teammates acknowledged my game play. I still lag behind but at least a few steps nalang.

Truly, hard work does pay off. More of it and oh yeah!!!

Anniversary Bang

Happy anniversary to my knee. A year has passed since that life changing event. Despite the time that has elapsed I do not feel 100%. I can run but not accelerate into a sprint. I can jump but not leap. Physically I know I need to strengthen myself in order to get back in shape. My Rehab and Orthopedic doctors gave me their clearance months ago. It is all up to me to get my healthy lifestyle back. However, I use work as an excuse for eating my time. Am I afraid that I wont get back my old form?

In basketball, I am not the best offensive player. I am weak and small so it is a disadvantage for me to rough it up in the shaded area. My outside shooting percentage is not accurate too. My dribbling and passing needs work as well. I could say that my bread and butter is defense. I could hound the ball handler anytime. I could swipe the ball while the opponent goes for a break away layup. I could sacrifice my body to get a charge. I could block the bigs from the blindside.

In ultimate, my throws badly needs improvement. I only know flick and backhand. In addition, I get rattled especially when I am marked and throw Hail Mary passes. I could play mid but I need to work on the timing of my cuts. I could play long and catch those huck throws like a dog. But just like in basketball, I live in defense specifically in zone.

However, with my not fully healed knee how could I do all those things that I mentioned? It is very frustrating indeed. Yet, I have to start somewhere in order to move forward. And what great way to honor my comeback through playing in my first ever international tournament!

I joined a team which was only formed for the tournament. Lacing up my cleats and stepping on the field gave me butterflies again for I know physically I am not 100%. All that aside, I could not ask for a better first experience. I really learned tons of stuff and met new people from various parts of Asia.

It was truly a great honor to play in team who really loves the game and with excellent spirit. Though it still pains me to think that we lost by Universal, as a first timer reaching the finals was a bonus. It may appear as a failure of not winning the championship. Yet, it is just a lost game, not heart. Now I am one step closer to getting my mojo back to success.

On Fourth Month and A Week

Knee is great! I was able to do activities normal people do. I was able to keep up with people while malling or simply walking around. I was able to run unintentionally when I went after the bus. I was able to swim with the butanding. Great improvement!

People already forgot that I underwent a surgery when they treat me which is good. But still no sports yet. No basketball and ultimate. :(

I need to continue my workout and build confidence. No excuses just because I am mobile already. I need to consult my rehab doctor and get new exercises. Hopefully I get a new program with jumping and running involved.

Note to self: I am strong. Welcome the challenges. Believe in myself. I can do anything. This to shall pass. :)

On Third Monthsary

I just got back from my rehab doctor. Knee is better. Flexion is 130-145 which is normal to the general public. Muscles are gradually loosening and strength is slowly getting there. The thing that bothers me is there is some lag and I cannot seem to 100% lock my knee. This affects the manner I walk. But it is bearable. I can walk around without any help. I just get tired after an hour or two due to lack of endurance.

The important thing is there is improvement each day. The question is how fast my progress will be. I wanna gain back my confidence. I wanna stutter step, hop and jog properly. I cannot wait go back to my sporty lifestyle! Well, not really. I cannot wait for the day when I can move freely without taking my knee into consideration.

When will that day come? Patience. Like what I said before, don't count the days, Katitay. Instead make each day count.

On Go Signal

You make me do things which I never thought I could accomplish. Even if I am tired, I find the energy within me to continue. Despite all the adversities I encounter I continue to fight. Some say I am crazy for wasting my time since you are a dead end. But what can I do, I fell in love.

I may be stupid for falling. Falling in love is so hard on the knees (literally and figuratively). I am currently under rehabilitation strengthening myself after the fall. I am excited for our reunion. On the other hand I am afraid. Sacred that things will not be the same.

I have the go signal to run. Now if only my knee would cooperate and let me run like a cheetah. For now I must train movement, not muscles. No pressure. When I am ready, I will be back. When I say go I hope and pray that you will welcome me with open arms.

On Second Monthsary

Today marks the second month of after my operation. My condition is better compared to the first week of hell when I cannot hardly move my leg even a single millimeter. At present, I am more mobile. No step-slide and shuffling when walking on flat surfaces. As for ramps, I am more cautious around them since my balance is kinda wobbly. The stairs is still a challenge. In fairness I can alternate my steps already but it feels awkward. I need to bend my knee more!

I should be happy with my progress. However, deep down there is this not so good feeling. I should let down my defense mechanism instinct.

After 2 months, flexion increased and lag decreased. I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. :)

On PCL Update After Rehab Day 12

In fairness each time I consulted my rehab doctor he saw an improvement. First time I saw him I could barely move without any support. Second session was better. I was able to shuffle my way to the bed. The most recent session was by far the best. I had a cane for props only. After 12 PT sessions, flexion was up to 100-110 degrees and lag was at 5 around degrees. Though, my quads are still jello.

Woohoo! Now is not the time to be complacent. I should push and persevere more to reach my goal. By next consultation, my flexion should be at least 130 degrees and lag should be gone. Hopefully I could jog as well.

So why am I punishing myself in rehab? If I get better, would I still be able to play? Would I still play? No doubt I love sports. Sports have been a huge part of my life. But the question is, can I live without participating physically in sports? I have done it for almost 3 months and I am still alive.

Oh well, I will cross the bridge when I get there. For the meantime, I should focus on getting better. Eyes on the prize, self. Kakayanin ko ito kasi andiyan ka e. :)

On Recovery

Things happen for a reason. I may not have found the answer why I completely tore a ligament but it has happened and I must live with it. I am grateful that I have came through the toughest portion of my rehabilitation. However, the road to recovery is not yet over. I have to keep fighting until the rest of my existence.

Rehabilitation and recovery needs lots of time, patience and perseverance. It is tough and it can be tougher. But I will get over the hump because I know You are here by my side. It is You who can make possible what for me is simply impossible. Aja!

On Disable Perks

There were many low moments in my road to recovery. Everyday waking moment was a struggle. The first few days were the worst! There were instances when I cannot move my leg on my own! Honestly, it has been tough and continues to be challenging. But life cannot be bad all the time. Somehow there are perks. It is just a matter of perspective.

1. Parking is one of the challenges in the metro. Good luck if you find one when you go to the mall after two hours from the opening time. Thank God for disabled parking! I would have missed my rehab doctor if I did not park on that slot this afternoon. Too bad that not all establishments have at least one.   
2. Chivalry is lost. Men don't open doors for ladies. Younger people don't give up their seats to the elderly. No apologies when you bump or hit someone while walking. But due to my handicapped look, an American and a Chinese gave up their seats, guards open the door and people don't stick too close at malls. But not without giving me a weird look.
3. Lines exist for a purpose. They serve as a tool for order. I have no troubles lining up. But when the guard saw me he caught my attention and directed me to the priority lane. Who am I not to take the chance? :)
4. My family members do not mind me before. However due to my condition they are more conscious of my needs. They make it a point that I am comfortable. I feel loved.

It is not all bad after all. :)

On PCL Day Unknown

Rehab program at present:

• Ultrasound with Fatsum Gel for 10 minutes
• Tense with leg elevated plus weights on knees 20 minutes
• Stretching foot to butt or til saan lang kaya = 3 times
• En-dynamic a) weak leg with 6 seconds hold/rest 15 minutes; resistance = 2.5 b) strong leg 20 reps; resistance = 6; c) both legs 20 reps; resistance = 6
• Stationary bike with no resistance for 15 minutes (yes! finally naka bike na ako!)
• Up and down the stairs with small steps = 5 rounds
• Walking with cane for 5 rounds

Things to work on:

• stretching! try to remove the lag. tan gina! masakit!
• be more conscious of my form while walking. avoid the limp and bounce.

Goal:

• Jogging na by 3rd month!

On PCL Day ?

Obviously I have lost count. I am thankful that my so-called freak accident did not harm my knee. After a month and a couple of days it felt good. Tested my knee in the pool. Though I cannot fully bend it yet, I could somehow swim despite the weird feeling. I guess it is normal. Sanayan lang.

I did lots of walking too. Speed is improving but parentals are telling me to slow down. My form is another story. I need to take conscious effort not to limp.

Patience and perseverance do not leave me.

On Montsary

Today marked the first month from my post PCL reconstruction. I feel my condition has improved and my recovery is on the right track. I can walk without support but the limp is there. I get tired easily though. Guess I lack practice. I also need to work on my flexibility.

Okay na right? But guess what? I gained additional 6 stitches! I don't know what transpired. My stomach was aching so I rushed to the bathroom. Dsymen. Next thing I saw was the ceiling and me breathing deeply on the floor. So I sat up in panic and called mom. Then I saw blood dripping right under my cheek. Bad trip.

Alan mo yun, hindi ko na masyado kelangan tulong tapos ito naman nangyari. Nakuha ko pang maligo bago tinakbo sa ER. Hello 6 stitches! Tapos suspicious jaw fracture pa. :( Pero hindi muna ako nagpag CT scan kasi may flight ako.

Despite the freak accident  I am still lucky that I made it to my flight after missing it last October. Pinag mukha nanaman sa akin na dapat ako maging thankful na mayroon akong pamilya na nagmamahal sa akin. Kahit ano mangyari, kahit na maging hassle o pabigat ako andiyan parin sila para sa akin.

So kamusta ang pasko ninyo?

On PCL Day.....

I lost count. Counting the days are not important. Instead I should make each day count.

Updates? Quads are jello but slowly getting some form. Strength and power are picking up however I still struggle with the en dynamic. Flexibility is a challenge which leads to less mobility. I still cannot reach my ass. During stretching todo nginig pa. My calves tighten.

On a lighter note, I graduated from crutches! I am now dependent on a SINGLE cane! At some instances I can walk without putting any weight on the cane but the limp is still there. I can do steps. I think I've walked too much and there is a small lump starting to form at the back of my knee. Did I push too hard? Ill put hot compress first and hopefully it disappears. I hope it is nothing bad.

Tiis pa. Sikap pa. Malalampasan ko din ito.

On PCL Day 14

Today is my second day out other than checkup or rehab. As a thank you I treated bunso and helper for lunch. Target was Bonchon at Galle but ended up at Buffalo Wings and Things. Stupid guard! He shouldn't have allowed vehicles to enter if the parking lot is already full! We spent 14 minutes going around in circles and eventually went out. We had to pay 40 bucks pa. FML.

Anyway, I can walk using 1 stick! But I am more comfortable using 2 sticks. It is faster for me to go  in and out the car. Steps are not as huge as a challenge anymore. Basically, I am getting familiar on how to use the sticks na. Also, I was able to take a couple of steps without support. Question is, am I doing it right? Is my form correct? Am I pushing myself too hard at baka mabigla naman ako? Hahayz. Sana maging ok ang lahat.

On PCL Day 13

Hello Rehab day 3! Same same. Ultrasound, stretch (90 degrees) and tense with hot packs. After was a 2 round walk with a 4-legged cane. Then the flexion machine. My quads are weak. :( Todo nginig even if 0 lang yung flexion. :( 


Improvement seems slow. My legs are soooo weak. I have been stuck downstairs for almost two weeks. I choose not to go out to avoid the hassle. Hirap na hirap na ako. :( What am I to do? I push myself naman. I take time to exercise on my own. But I guess kulang pa e. Should I push myself more? Should I not baby it anymore? Even if there is pain, sige parin?


Here I am again doubting if I did the right thing. Not everyone who tore the PCL don't have it reconstructed. I guess pro athletes are the only ones who do it. So why did I have it reconstructed? Sports is not my source of income and I managed to live four months despite the tear. Did I make the right decision? 


Oh well, tapos na. All I can do is push push push! At least I can walk with one support!. Need to gain back confidence. Need to work on my quads para when I go back on Friday big improvement on the machine. As they say, "No one said it would be easy; we just said it'd be worth it." I pray each night that I see improvements and maka-recover na ako the soonest.

On PCL Day 11

Day 2 of rehab. The pain killer did its job and minimized the pain. I believe my knee is slowly improving. Flexion is almost 90 degrees. However, strength is not yet there. Walking without the help of the sticks seems dim for now. My left leg is still floating. I'm baby-ing it. At the back of my mind I am taking care of it. Thus, I compromise the proper way of walking. Knowing me, I have inborn tactics to minimize the pain. Unknowingly I am still afraid to put 100% weight on it. Thus the precaution.

On a positive note, I can sit and stand on my own. No assistance needed other my bff sticks. Next goal is to reach at least 100 degrees flexion and gain confidence walking with one stick nalang. Lets do this!

On PCL Day 10

First day out other than visiting my doctors! Have family lunch at Imperial Palace. Food is not that great considering that they advertised it as Intercontinental. Sobrang layo sa Imperial Palace sa Cebu! Then again, iba naman talaga yun.

Anyway, I think I did fairly well. I was seated at the passenger seat. Less hassle getting in and out of the car. Improving! I think I did well on the steps. Now, if only I can get rid of at least one stick so that I could get my own food and not just stay stuck seated.

On PCL Day 8

Tan Gina!

MASAKIT!!!!

First day of rehab sucked!

Just did ultrasound, tense plus hot packs, weights for arms, failed at walking using the cane, painful stretch (foot to back of butt) and leg raises using the foam.

Tan Gina!

On PCL Day 5

Had my first post operation check-up. Ortho says its good that I didn't have fever. But I should expect swelling pa on my thigh and ankles. Grabe, chubby legs na. :( I officially graduated from the blue immobilizer. He took out the bandage too. I'm afraid to see what is in store underneath. Found out I have 4 cuts. 3 small ones and 1 big one. Hope it won't scar that much.

Now time for exercises! Ankle pumps and leg raises! Hindi ko nga ma-raise yung paa ko, paano kaya yun? Hayz.

On Spirits

Almost all Philippine based Ultimate player is still on a Spirits high. Facebook posts say it all. I on the other hand is super ingit that I was not able to join the tournament again. Of all the days why that weekend? Haha, asa, as if I could play.

Hay, self-control. Stop looking at things that will put my spirits low. What's done is done. I should put all my efforts on getting better so I could play on Spirits 2012!

* Okay lang naman mangarap diba?