On Nightmare

I have been going through sleepless nights. And if ever I do get the opportunity to get some "sleep" I make the most out of it wishing when I wake up the pain would not be there anymore. Sadly the first few steps are always dreadful.

This is the reality and the reality is freaking me out. I cannot begin to think how life is without two of the things that keep me sane. As a “trying hard” athlete this is a nightmare.

I placed myself in this situation so what else can I do but suck it up. I am only a “trying hard” athlete and not a professional. Is this a sign for me to explore life outside the sports scene? Then again,this is just on horrible nightmare that will eventually pass.

On Long Weekend

Quality time with
myself, family and friends
through land travel for great food!

Long weekend please extend.

:|

Lakas ng loob.
Malalampasan din 'to.
Kuya Jess, please help.

:|

On Kinakabahan

Hoping for the best
But cant help not to freak out
Jess, Your will be done.

On MRI

Laid on the hard "bed"
Stood up for a CR break
Liquids out, Inhaled

Laid on the hard "bed"
Headphones on to mask the noise
Positioned leg left

Slowly I went up
Inside the machine I go
Hola, MRI

The soothing music
Was drowned by the random sounds
Keep still, Katitay

30 minutes passed
Movement out from the machine
That was it, pansit

Results please be kind.

On Championships

When will my time come?

On Facebook Status

You were my high school infatuation. If I remember correctly we got introduced through common friends. My barkada which was composed of all girls was the counterpart of your barkada which was obviously all boys. Come Prom, I opted to ask you to escort me instead of the obvious choice. You gladly said “YES”, and you in turn asked me to accompany you in your Prom as well. Of course I was kilig to the bones.

After the unexpected event two months ago there was no follow-up. I took the initiative but you did not take the opportunity. Thus I decided not to pursue further. Lo and behold, you started the communication -- cause you needed something. Naturally, as a friend, I directed you to the right path and you were grateful. For me that is enough.

Then again, how come I felt something when my friend mentioned that you are always some girl who is your significant other? I know you are into flings, so I guess that is just one of them cause per FB, you are still single. But, how reliable is that relationship status anyway?

On Headlights

Stupidity strikes once again.

Pa-uwi na ako galing Ultra. Kakaliko ko lang sa San Miguel Ave. galing Julia Vargas tapos mayroong enforcer na sumesenyas na tumabi. Nung papalapit na ako tsaka ko na-realize na ako nga talaga ang pinapatabi kasi wala ng ibang sasakyan sa likod ko. Oh noes.

Enforcer: Ma'am according to article blah blah, section blah blah, bawal po na walang headlights.
Me: *checks* Ahh, wala po ba akong headlights?
Enforcer: Malayo palang kitang kita na walang headlights.
Me: *opens headlights* Oo, nga noh.
Enforcer: Naku Ma'am, kailngan ko makita ang lisensya yo.
Me: Talaga? E asa likod e.
Enforcer: Ma'am pakita po.
Sister: Baka naman po pwedeng warning lang? New driver kasi.
Enforcer: Lisensya po Ma'am.
Me: *gets out to get license*
Enforcer: Ma'am saan po ba kayo galing?
Me: Ultra
Enforcer: Naku Ma'am ang layo yo na pala, buti kung sa parking lang.
Me: Hindi ko po napansin. Maliwanag po kasi dito.

Pagpasok ko uli sa coche wala yung enforcer.
Me to sister: What if i-go ko na ito?
Sister: ATEEEE!

Dumating yung enforcer.
Enforcer: Ma'am lisensya po.
Me: *gives license* So kuya ano po bang patakaran sa no headlights?
Enforcer: Ma'am, may dalawang options po kayo.
Me: Ano po iyon?
Enforcer: Kukunin ko ang lisensya yo at bibigyan ko kayo ng temporary. Tapos kukunin yo sa Pasig.
Me: Ahh, ganoon ba? Hindi ko kasi talaga napansin. First time ko lang kasi hawakan tong coche.
Enforcer: Opo Ma'am, baka mahassle kayo kasi 5-working days yun e.
Me: Pero kung yun ang patakaran, e di ganun.
Enforcer: Ma'am baka magulat kayo kasi kelangan pang tubusin.
Me: E, pasensya po, kung yun naman po ang patakaran.
Enforcer: Ma'am may 2 options po tayo...
Me: Ano po iyon? Kung yun yung sa patakaran, e di ganun.
Enforcer: Ma'am, sigurado po kayo?
Me: Pasensya po Sir, alam ko na mali ako...
Enforcer: Ma'am, inuulit ko po, may 2 options po tayo....
Me: Pero ayan na oh, nakabukas na. Baka ok na?
Enforcer: May 2 options po tayo, delikado kasi yung walang headlights.
Me: Kung yun nga po ang sa patakaran...pero ok na siguro ngayon nakabukas na oh...
Enforcer: Sige Ma'am, next time po siguraduhin yong bukas ang headlights yo, cause kasi yan ng accidents.
Enforcer: *hands me my license*
Me: Salamat po.

On Second Opinion

Today marks the second month of the eventful day when I landed on both of my folded knees. The pain is not that grave anymore. I can run, but I cannot sprint. I can jump, but I cannot leap. Since it has been THAT long and the pain has not completely subsided, I decided to get a second opinion.

Ortho did not look at my x-ray. He just looked at the reading, asked me questions regarding what happened, pinched my knee and moved my leg like a puppet. Based from that he concluded that I have ACL. He looked so sure about it. Parang wala lang, ACL yan. Taena!

After my consultation with Ortho, I was endorsed to the Rehab doctor. Rehab doctor read the "letter" from Ortho and basically asked the same questions. This time around Rehab checked the x-ray. Then she created a physical therapy plan for my left knee and tight quads/hams. Hello to another 6 sessions of PT! But take note that ACL related exercises/activities were not included in the plan.

Oh well towel. Results of the MRI on August 23 will have the answer. I wish and pray that this is just a nuisance alarm. A wake up call not to overwork my body. No, I would like to think that this is just a wake up call to be more diligent in taking care of my body and to take time for strengthening and flexibility.

Kuya Jess isinusuko ko na po ang lahat sa Inyo.
Kayo na po ang bahala sa akin.
Salamat.

On First Love

I will always remember my first love. Our first meeting was a bit awkward. The circumstances were not within the norms. My parents, especially my mom, raised an eyebrow. However, as I spent more time with you I became comfortable and slowly got attracted. Moments with you soon became pleasurable almost like an addiction.

We had a long journey filled with more downs than ups. Hearts were crushed. In the process I became stronger as I rose after each and every failure.

An experience of passionate love is truly indescribable. During the time we were apart, I have met others. But even so, it is undeniable that there is still SOMETHING that will linger between us. You will always be a part of me cause somehow you have influenced the person that I am today.

A first love is indeed unforgettable.

On Moving On

I realized that trying to move on is useless. It is difficult. As long as there is still something lingering there is a possibility that I would fail. Whenever I deny the pain I would just fool myself and risk my well-being.

Thank you that when I opened my eyes I felt calm and relaxed. The pain is still there but not that intense anymore. Then and there I knew that the turmoil is almost over.

Here we go again! Baby steps... :)

On Long Term

Am I ready for a long term commitment?
How would life be if my time with the things I enjoy are compromised?
Would I still be sane?

Do the pros weigh heavier than the cons?
Am I willing to sacrifice temporary pleasure for long term goals?
Am I ready to take that huge step to be that person?

Abangan...

On Lines

I lined up patiently for my turn. When my turn finally arrived, I made the most out of it. I desperately tried to wash out the dirt which accumulated after I rolled like a pig on the muddy field countless times. What can I do if I am resourceful enough and was able to start shampooing before it was my turn? Skillful enough to get soap and stay a little longer to help another teammate who was next in line?

To the dakdakeras, if you want to wash up, I suggest that you line up patiently and wait for your turn rather than blabbing your mouth.

Thank you.

On Crush

It feels good to smile for "no apparent reason". It definitely adds color to the monotone life. There may be no certainty, yet the thought is very much welcomed.

So I ask myself, why am I still single? Is it really by choice or rather lack of choices? Do I need to be more presentable aka kikay? Should I keep my thoughts inside the thought bubble?

But this is what I am sure of, it does not follow just because someone is single the person does not know a thing about love. In reality, going solo is wiser than being in a relationship at the wrong time.

Note to self. Patience. Ang TNC ay masaya kahit na single. :)