On Wish List 2011

Just because it is December...

1. Wrist watch na dress watch
I got myself a chunky sports watch from katas ng SG already. Now I like a dress watch. Something for formal functions like weddings, office meetings, interviews and dinners. I have no particular brand in mind basta yung sakto Lang sa wrist ko na payat. 

2.  Turfs 7.5
I know I am currently "injured". *Sheeet! Injured ako! As in major injury! :( * I don't know when I can engage in sports. And if I do get the green light will I still play? So why turfs? Maybe to push myself to get better faster and motivate myself to make a comeback. 

3. Underwear
Wala Lang. I just watched Victoria secret's fashion show and oh wow! I want those bling-bling under garments! Buy seriously, kahit ba bench Lang ok na. 

4. Full and fast recovery
I am having questions if i made the right decision. Maybe I am having these doubts because of my current physical state. So yeah, I wish that I get better the soonest. My savings are depleting and my fighting spirit is losing its energy. Ayaw ko na maging pabigat. 

5. Good Health
I pray that my lolo will be okay. No more clots and daily injections. Same goes for mom's eye, dad's neck, sister's head, bunso's heart and kuya's soon to be baby. 

6. The One
Kailan ka ba dadating? Andiyan ka ba? :( Hinog na ako. Handa na ako mahulog at ibigay ang matamis kong OO. Uwi na you. 

On PCL Day 5

Had my first post operation check-up. Ortho says its good that I didn't have fever. But I should expect swelling pa on my thigh and ankles. Grabe, chubby legs na. :( I officially graduated from the blue immobilizer. He took out the bandage too. I'm afraid to see what is in store underneath. Found out I have 4 cuts. 3 small ones and 1 big one. Hope it won't scar that much.

Now time for exercises! Ankle pumps and leg raises! Hindi ko nga ma-raise yung paa ko, paano kaya yun? Hayz.

On Spirits

Almost all Philippine based Ultimate player is still on a Spirits high. Facebook posts say it all. I on the other hand is super ingit that I was not able to join the tournament again. Of all the days why that weekend? Haha, asa, as if I could play.

Hay, self-control. Stop looking at things that will put my spirits low. What's done is done. I should put all my efforts on getting better so I could play on Spirits 2012!

* Okay lang naman mangarap diba?

On PCL Day 3

I feel useless. I can walk with the help of the sticks but I can't stand up nor sit down on my own. I don't know how to position my leg. It feels so uneasy. Nakaka-ngawit! I can't move my leg on its own. Laging alalay. :(

Thank God it is not painful as I expect it to be. Yet there is still pain. Birthday pa naman ni bunso. Had dinner at home. Felt bad cause if I wasn't this immobile we could have celebrated it outside. Oh well, at least he likes his graduation/birthday/Christmas gift.

Looking forward to bending my knee or at least man lang making it move on its own. Fight!

On PCL Day 2

Yahoo!  Got discharged from the hospital!!! My wallet has a whole since my health card did not pay for the whole operation. I had to cover for the implant, ortho and anesthesiologist PF. :( Oh well, the price I have to pay for my age.

Anyway, what did I do today? The resident doctor advised me to walk around without support if kaya. Super duper challenge mehn! I feel like a child who is learning how to walk. I was able to walk around the perimeter of my bed with the help of the IV stand. I still can't bend my leg though due to the blue immobilizer. When I got home, I shuffled my way using the sticks. CR is not that bad compared to my experience in hospital. There is not much pain as I expected.

All in all, positive naman. Hoping that day 3 will be better. Birthday pa naman ni bunso.

On PCL Day 1

Had my operation earlier today. They picked me up from my room at around 5AM and was brought to the OR. After the 2 local anesthesia and penetrating the IV needle in my right hand I waited eagerly on top of the operating table. My Anesthesialogist asked if I wanted to be sedated. I replied "ok lang". Next thing I knew I was asleep. I woke up when my ortho greeted me and said "hi" then I was back at dreamland. In the middle of the operation or I do not know what part I woke up. I heard music but I did not feel anything nipple down. I did not see what transpired because there was this blue curtain which covered my view. It was cold and I think that is what woke me up. So I uttered, "malamig.... ang lamig... ang laming... zzzzzz".

I was awake when they finished, but I wasn't sure. Everything seems like a blur right now. So I was brought transferred to a bed and parked me at some corner. Someone asked me if I can feel my legs and if I can move my toes. I tried but it felt numb. I think the anesthesia was still in my system. I complained about the cold again so they covered me with a warmer. But despite that I shivered and everytime I did this machine went haywire.

Finally when I felt my lower body I was rolled back in my room. That was about almost 1pm already which made me wonder how long the operation was. Anyway, I watched tv, drank meds, ate, slept. I don't know, what else was I supposed to do.

The worse was when  I felt like peeing. It was such a huge struggle. They gave me a bedpan, pero ayaw e. Success lang nung sa make-shift toilet. :)

All in all, the surgery was not bad. I did not feel a thing. I was knocked out. Now the challenge is the recovery. I know there will be many obstacles. But I should not focus on that instead I should focus on my goal which is to get better the soonest. Fighting!

On Veins

My veins are not thick. This has been a challenge for most nurses/doctors and the like for a decade now. When I was in college, I fainted in the bathroom while doing number 1/2. I decided to have myself checked later that afternoon after my class since I had a test wherein I did bad anyway. On the way home I asked my dad to bring me to the hospital. He brought me to the ER and the nurses did their protocol. Next thing I knew, I was admitted. While I was half asleep I half heard that they needed to put IV on me. First attempt was a failure. The nurse was not able to find my vein so she had to call a fellow nurse and eventually a doctor to do the job.

When bunso had dengue last year, I volunteered to donate. However, when the nurse check my veins, it did not pass. Manipis daw. On top of that, I was underweight daw and yeah, I had slight sniffles. I guess blood donation is a NO for me. :(

Last October, my veins played its part once again at Singapore. I don't know if it is the training there or my veins are simply hard to find lang talaga,. She had a take-two before she was able to get blood successfully. First she  tried the left side because the week before I had blood taken in PI at the same side. I felt the needle, but I guess she did not do it right and nothing went to the tube. So she tried the right side and thank God she got it this time. All she uttered was, "This side, good side. Other side, no blood". But when I looked at my left arm there was blood naman. *Ahh, okay.*

If two was charm, it was not when I had my PCL reconstructed. I had myself admitted the night before the procedure for the pre-operation ekek. They advised fasting... no food after 10 and no liquids after 12. At around 11, 2 nurses came in to put IV. They where I wanted it. I said at my left hand since I am right handed. On they went to my left side, but failed. So they went back to my right side and checked. They tried and failed again. They told me they'll ask my doctor if they can use a child's needle. After 15 minutes, a lady doctor came in. She was nice and gentle. She was careful. Checked both hands and decided to try her luck at my left hand. Sadly, she failed. At least she was apologetic and she did not attempt again because "I had too much" already. I thought that was the end of it. But no! After a couple of minutes a guy doctor came in. He was too confident. As in dire-direcho lang siya. Sa sobrang sakit napa-iyak ako. Parang akong tanga, pero promise, ramdam na ramdam ko yung needle! My tears weren't enough, he tried again but this time he was slightly careful. Pero hindi din e. Hindi nila nakabit. Natusok lang ako ng 5 beses! If you count the blood sample and bleed check, I was pricked 7 times that night!

They decided not to put IV anymore and informed my ortho. The next day I was brought to the OR for my PCL reconstruction. I was lying pretty on the table when my Anesthesiologist entered and briefed me. Then he went frantic when he realized that I didn't have IV yet. He injected a local anesthesia then proceeded with the IV but my vein popped due to last night. Then he did the same procedure again and finally okay na!

Makes me wonder... are my veins thin? Or it just neglects needles and hospitals?

On Fighting

Hohohoho! The day is near and I am freaking out. I am really thankful that I have friends who have my back. I have family who will help me out with the financials (just in case I need help). Most importantly, the Ultimate is by my side.


As Lance Armstrong said... "We have two options in life both medically and emotionally, give up or fight like hell."  I choose to fight like hell. Giving up is not in my vocabulary. 


Good vibes. Good vibes!

On Bench Model

Nakakapagod ang maraming ginagawa. Yung tipong buong araw kang nakaupo sa harap ng computer. Hindi ka man lang makatayo para mag-CR or kumuha ng inumin. Parang hindi pwedeng tumigil man lang para huminga.

Pero mas nakakapagod ang maghanap ng gagawin kapag wala naman talagang kailangan gawin. Nakakaloko lalo kapag mayroong maghanap ng output. Kaya ito, kailangan magpanggap na busy.

Hello Bench model!

On Terrified

Friday 7am is the day and time. I am scared. They say I will be knocked out during the operation due to the anesthesia. But isn’t the injection for the anesthesia painful? Will the anesthesia do its job? What if I wake up in the middle of the procedure?  

Then again, I am not afraid of the procedure (yeah right). What frightens me more is the bill! Hello doctor’s fee, anesthesia, surgeon’s assistant, hospital facility and physical therapy. Man, where will I get the money?

On a serious note, what really terrifies me is the recovery period afterwards. Response to healing is case to case basis. I cannot imagine being immobile. Months without the adrenaline from sports will make me cranky I bet.

Haha, here I am terrifying myself with too much thinking. Maybe I should not read and research on it. I should go with the flow and put everything in God’s hand. He has His reason on why I am in this predicament. Maybe I will find the One in the process. Lol.

Aja! Lakasan ang loob at damihan ang dasal.

On My Wife

No'n nabasa ko
Sa timeline ya sa twitter
"Dinner with my wife"

Masakit pala
Hindi ko akalain
Pero masakit


Bakit pa ako
Tumitingin kung san
Hay ayan tuloy...

Alam Mo Yung Feeling Na...

Mahal mo, lumayo ka, mahal ka pala.
Mahal ka., manhid ka naman.
Okay na, sinaktan mo pa.
Naghiwalay kayo, biglang gumwapo.
Mahal mo na, ayaw na niya.
Mahal ka naman, takot ka lang.
Ready ka na, iba na ang mahal niya.
Masyadong pakipot, umayaw tuloy.
Masyadong torpe, nakuha na ng iba.

On Pasko

Nagpunta ko sa grocery
Para bumili ng tinapay
At narinig ko "Rudolf the red nose reindeer"

Naaamoy mo ba yun?
(sniff) Ano?
Pasko na!


Nakaka-miss ang Pinas!

On Micro Manager

wala kang kwenta. ang alam mo lang ang mag-generate ng statistics. subukan mo kaya mag test at tingnan natin kung makailan ka.

ktnx bye.

Words of Wisdom from Lola

How can one remain enthustiastic with a 10 hour Monday to Friday and 8 hour Saturday work schedule? It would be bearable if there is no naggy micro manager who cares more on the numbers than the quality. Things should be lighter with additional resources but workload has not changed at all. Obviously there is an issue. 

Having said that, what do I gain if I extend for another month? Yes, it will look good at my resume. I will be able to save more. There will be a sense of fulfillment at the end of the day. But is it worth it?

In as much as I would like to stay at the back if mind it is telling me otherwise. i remember what lola said before... Take care of yourself first so that you can do all the things that you need to do. 

With that I rest my case. Bring me home as stated in the ticket. It is time to take care of my knee.