On Insecure

I am the type of person who takes time to make kamusta people out of the blue. I do not reach out because I have a hidden agenda like I need a favor or something. I value friendship and do contact my friends to stay connected and catch up -- as simple as that. 

Question is --- Is it improper to keep in touch with your friend who is married? Does that mean if a person is already married he cannot communicate with people of the different gender?

It is not my fault that you are jealous of me. My intentions are good. Before pointing your finger at me please evaluate your marriage first. Maybe there is something wrong with your relationship and you feel insecure. Perhaps after your self evaluation you will realize that your husband is suffocating and is not happy cause he is not getting any action. Now you tell me if that is my fault.

Natatawa nalang ako. Ahihihi

On My Wife

No'n nabasa ko
Sa timeline ya sa twitter
"Dinner with my wife"

Masakit pala
Hindi ko akalain
Pero masakit


Bakit pa ako
Tumitingin kung san
Hay ayan tuloy...

On the Perfect Catch

You had your opportunity but you were not courageous enough to take the chance. The moments we spent with each other and whatever transpired or not is between us alone. Those were certainly good and exciting times. Those memories which I have placed in a tiny box and stored in a shelf deep in my heart. Somewhere down there only to be dig up when needed.

Now as you are about to journey to another chapter of your life, if I may ask... if you cannot forget the one that got away, can you love the One you are with?

Just do your jealous fiance a favor and don't go fishing after me cause I know I am still the perfect catch.

On - - - -

Do you believe you can completely love me as I am?
Faith is not enough, you have to know it. Do you know it?
Sadly, knowing is not enough.
I have to see.

But they say love is blind. People tend to see what they only want to see. There are occasions when they lower their standards and accept people how they are. Right and wrong no longer exist because they think they are the only people in the world.

From the start I believed that there was no future. My head knows that it was not "moral". However, deep down there was still this tiny faith that there was a chance. Self-control and family values were constantly challenged. Then again, when everything was laid out, I couldn't see an US --- I saw YOU and HER even how much you tried to mask your feelings.

And so my instincts were right on target.
Congrats on your engagement! :|

On Restraints

There is nothing bad in wishing that things will turn out as one dream it to be. However, when things do not go out as desired, one should learn when to stop wishing. Well, not really stop cause at times, hope is the only things that keeps someone sane, but somehow put a limit and control ones actions and not do foolish things.

So there. ENOUGH. This has to stop. OK. I restrain myself in a vain attempt to finish this madness. It is not meant to be, so why force it? Help me Kuya Jess to accept, let go and move on.

There are more things to life than failed dreams. There are miracles waiting to happen one just needs to be persistent and positive. :)

On Being A Couple

This so-called story began at Christmas 2006. Girl met boy. They went out a handful of times. Things seemed to move towards a deeper friendship. However, everything happened too fast. Girl used her head and as a result boy was heartbroken. Thus, boy went back to his past and come Christmas 2007, boy became a father.

Despite that, boy and girl remained so-called friends. In 2008, girl and boy met again and somehow that something still lingered. But due to the complexity of their situation, things were left at that --- hanging. This went on until 2009. Girl and boy still saw each other occasionally and exchanged stories but that was just that --- complicated.

By first quarter of 2010, boy was happily in-love with another girl. It became them but fell apart. Come third quarter, boy went back to his past but didn't work out again. So here is boy again presenting himself to girl and proposing to be a couple.

What will 2011 hold?
---
Good relationships do not just happen. They need time, patience and two people who truly believe they are meant to be together and fight for that belief.

On Timing

One of my many resolutions to myself was to move on. I would not dwell in the past and think of what might have been. I told myself that I would stop taking the initiative in making the first move. If the person would like to know me more, then that person should be the one to make it happen. I would live every moment to its fullest and not wait for what could have been to catch up with the present.

Everything was going as planned for 2010 until I got a message while I was still groggy and all. It was a forwarded message from an "unlisted" number. Good thing I was sleepy and all so I did not bother to reply or take any action.

Self control help me.

On A Moment of Pleasure

Darn it! I do think about you everyday. I do remember every look and every smile. My head rested upon your broad shoulders our arms linked, our fingers intertwined, no words spoken, just two hearts beating as one.

Grabe, it hurts so much. It makes me want to cry cause I cannot ever speak of the sensations I feel in my heart no matter how enormous the feeling is since in the first place I do not have the right to feel whatever emotion that is.

Then again, who am I to complain when I walked into this situation with my huge eyes wide open? It was my choice to lose myself in this insane emotion with you. No regrets. Just missing you.

I guess I should be happy now. Less complexity is what I wanted. Fate just made it easier. Nevertheless, why oh why does it feel so damn difficult?

"A moment of pleasure, a lifetime of pain"

On What Love Is

Everyone is capable of loving. It does not mean if one is not capable of loving that one is not capable to be loved.

I have done preventive measures in order not to communicate with you. I have erased you from my address book. I am not good with numbers thus I do not memorize it. I have immersed myself with various activities to keep myself busy.

However, it never fails. When I thought I have moved on you do something stimulating that prevents me from fully letting go. Somehow I find myself back to square one, sort off. Why is this so, I do not know.

How can I completely let go and not be affected? Should I completely erase everything that concerns you? Will doing so erase you from my mind and heart?

God, when will the time come when I awake I will not think of you? Is this what love is --- accepting the person despite one’s imperfections?

On Looking For Answers

Why can you not say NO to the other person --- but it is all right to call a rain check when it is I who is involved?
Why do things suddenly occur whenever we have a so-called plan?
Why do you treat me as an option and not as a priority?

Why do I make an effort to preserve whatever we have?
Why do I even bother?

You cannot say no to others because they are your clients and I am merely no one.
Unexpected things come up because they are really planned.
You treat me as an option because that is what I am to you.

I make an effort for I thought what we have is something worth to be valued.
Now, I do not even know why I bother.

-

Minamahal kita ng di mo alam
Huwag ka sanang magagalit
Tinamaan yata talaga ang aking puso
Na dati akala ko'y manhid.

On Waiting for Life

First, why am I like this even if there is no assurance that things will turn out how I want. Secondly, why the hell am I putting myself in a situation that is killing me deep down. Lastly, why would I settle for something ordinary when there is someone extraordinary out there who not only loves me but respects me as well?

I guess I am like this cause being the hopeless romantic that I am; secretly I am wishing that things would eventually go my way. Maybe I do have a special feeling towards him because I am sort of allowing him to cause me pain. Finally, maybe I have not found the one yet that is why I am still entertaining him. Whatever!

Waiting is the most important thing we can do for the one we love. Nevertheless, it can prove one thing, as it goes, it can also change minds.

I am tired. Easter = new life. I guess now is the right time for a new rejuvenated me.

Hello world!

Untitled

A: Can we talk...
B: Okay… About what?
A: About you and me, what are we?
B: We are something you call *pause* complicated. You know my current situation… and I am surprised that despite all that you have been so good to me.
A: *inhale*exhale*
B: six more years to go.
A: Sorry
B: Why are you saying sorry? Sorry for what? You do not have anything to be sorry for.

Hay, why do I attract complications?

B: It would be still us right now if you have only answered me before.
A: Hah? Ambagal mo kasi.
B: *shocked* Anong mabagal?
A: Masyadong mabilis pala.

I honestly cannot remember if he courted me or when he declared how he felt. Unless, it was this incident.

B: You know what, I consider this as a date already.
A: *punches*

Please define what a date is.

On What Will You Do?

What will you do if…

…the person you want to talk to does not want to talk to you?
… you want to resolve things with someone but that someone does not want to resolve things with you?
… you want to help certain person but that certain person does not want to accept your help?

What will you do?

Will you keep trying?
Will you continue being a martyr?

Or

Will you let things be?

And

Will you move on and start living the life you desire to live?

This is all I can say:

Patience is a virtue.
However, life is short.
So what will you do?
What is your Game Plan?

On Words

“I do not like her. It is hopeless to live with her. She is just plain evil. She is like a child who is impossible to talk too.”

“But I need to be civil with her for my son. I am doing all of this for my son. According to the law, the kid needs to be at least 7 years old before he can choose where he wants to stay.”

“Even if how much I want to get on with my life, I cannot. I might lose my son. Who would accept me with my complex situation? My friends keep on telling me to go on with my life. Every time I mention you to them, they always urge me to live my life. However, if we decide to be official, it would be unfair for you. I would look bad."

"I do not like to have flings. I am done with that stage. I am looking for something serious. Let us face it; we are not getting any younger. I do not like you to think that there is no future. That is why I am immersing all my energy in my work so that I do not need to think about these things."

"Even if how much I would like to go out with you frequently, I cannot. Even if how much I would love to hangout with you and spend time with you, I simply cannot."

After all that has been said, I ask myself… were his declarations sincere? Did he really mean what he expressed? Is he hoping for a possibility of something many perceive as immoral?

Whatever. Words remain just words without action.

On ....

imagine
meeting a "star"
and only having a small amount of time to spend with them
then they leave
then they dump you
then they move on.

they stop texting
they stop the contact
they've stopped everything to do with
you.

you wish you didn't miss them
you wish you had moved on too
but then you realize
you do miss them, you haven't moved on.

what do we do now?

The Security Blanket

I am not sure if it is just me or I do I really attract bad boys? Honestly, I seem like an angel amidst them. No offense meant, but how come the guys who approach me are “addicts”? When I say addict it does not exclusively mean the need for drugs but also other stuff such as computer games, money, fame, sex and the like.

Do I have this certain aura that they somehow find their way towards me? Do I give out a vibe that they feel secured under my wings? Do they idolize me?

It does not feel good that people only run after you whenever they are depressed or down. I have my own life “issues” which I need to handle as well. Even if I appear like an angel amidst those “devils”, I do not want to be a security blanket forever!

On "Accidents"

It sucks when people get into activities that are waiting to fuck up. An accident is usually associated to an unfortunate mishap. Who would expect for a motorcycle parked at the side of the street to be side swiped by an SUV? Who would foresee a commuter to be robbed of her personal belongings to the point of nearly stealing her life in the process? Who would ever imagine being involved in a crossfire on your way to work?

Events like these take place without one’s expectation. However there are instances wherein such misfortunes occur through carelessness or plain ignorance. Nothing against these people, but there are times when accidents may be hopefully be avoided. Why park on a dim street? Why not let go of your personal belongings? Why not hide? Why not take precaution?

Then again, there are accidents which may deem as fortunate. Who would not welcome winning the lottery? Who would not appreciate meeting an old friend by chance in the mall?

On the other hand, there is a certain incident may possibly be fortunate and unfortunate at the same time – like getting pregnant. But is getting pregnant considered a legit accident? Well, maybe due to the fortuitous circumstance that something broke. Nonetheless, would you have sex with someone you do not care and love? So why involve in such activity if you are not ready to standup for the consequences?

Learning From the Best

People should avoid the negativity. People should stay away from negative vibes. It is like a blade. At first you do not know how sharp the blade is. So curious little you goes up to it. Stretches out your hand.. and touches the blade with your finger. Since it is a blade, naturally, it is sharp and your finger starts to bleed.

Lesson: next time you see a blade, what will you do? Go up to it or avoid it?

There is no right or wrong choices. You make a choice and you make it RIGHT!

Shadadada...

It is said that in love… there is no right or wrong. However, when rationality comes in… when the mind plays its role and neglects what the heart beats for… it is a different story. Even if there is no right or wrong, one would really blurt out, but… it is so WRONG!

In my so-called situation, why o why whatever I do, despite his baggage, despite his bad habits, despite all his negativity… I honestly do not know why I still accept him as he is… the complete “insert name”.

Okay fine. I admit that I have feelings for HIM. If I did not then why am I “sort of affected”, right?

Kapag tumibok ang puso nga naman… minsan wala ka ng magagawa kungdi sundin ito…

But NO! Self-control will prevail! It has toooo!
I deserve someone much better… and if ever you are HIM… then I guess you should start improving… competing for you to attain your prize. ;p