Are you or are you not?

How come you have this thing of saying the right words at the right time?

If I were there, I'd give you some.

You look fine to me.

Who knows, maybe you are just being nice, but gosh, you still have that effect on me. You still make my heart skip a beat in spite all these years. You still have this special compartment in my system.

So you are you or are you not my....?

* Another wishful thinking entry.

On Love... by Bob Ong

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

On being a Snob

I am not a very friendly person. Some, rather most people perceive me as a snob. I cannot argue with them since everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But when I ponder more on that characteristic, I guess they are partly right ~ haha, I don’t want to admit it fully.

Why do they see me as a snob? Is it my physical attributes? Is it my eyebrows? Is my voice? Is it the way I speak? Is it because I am quiet?

Tell me! Then again, whatever! This is the way that I am. It is not my intention to snob anyone. It may be a defense mechanism of mine to keep stuff to myself thus making me appear like a snob.

Oh well, that’s life. Next time, do not judge people right away cause you do not know what you are missing. Charing!

Me and My Work Now

I ask myself… where am I right now? Am I happy with how my life is going to?

At present, I am still locked in the smaller prison. Sadly, I am not ecstatic with my current situation. On the upper side, things are a little better since I got back from my vacation. Before I left the country, I had a small talk with my Manager. It may appear that I ranted but who would not if you come in daily and not feel any sense of accomplishment?

In all fairness, when I got back the access and connections improved somewhat. At least I can now retrieve some documents which I was not able to do before. However, I still do ask myself, am I happy with what I am doing?

I still learn new things in my current project, but is this what I want to be? I have great patience, but is the work set-up slowly killing me? Is this burnt out?

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Zombie

I told myself that I would fix my sleeping habits for the upcoming workweek. It is already one in the morning… and guess what!?! I am still wide-awake!

My gosh, I am slowly getting back to my “zombie” lifestyle.

I better crawl to my bed and sleep!

On Why I Love To Sleep

There are occasions when I imagine committing suicide. At work, I have a “corner office”. The window is just at my back. There are numerous instances when I imagine just jumping from that 16th floor window. Whenever I am in a plane that is up in the sky, I depict myself opening one of the emergency exits and leap out into nothingness.

I do not only have thoughts like these whenever I am elevated. Each time I see rail tracks I have this tiny urge to hop into them. Whenever I cross the street there are instances when I feel like springing into the pathway of a high speeding vehicle.

Disturbing, isn’t? Do I need help?

Probably this is why I choose to sleep all day… So I could block off thoughts like these.