If

... he is not as macho at present would I even care? ... I did not neglect and snob him would our friendship deepened? ... he did not leave, would our situation be any different? ... I did give my sweet yes would our relationship lasted? ... he know these thoughts would it even matter? ... we finally see each other, would there be a future waiting for us?

Anniversary Bang

Happy anniversary to my knee. A year has passed since that life changing event. Despite the time that has elapsed I do not feel 100%. I can run but not accelerate into a sprint. I can jump but not leap. Physically I know I need to strengthen myself in order to get back in shape. My Rehab and Orthopedic doctors gave me their clearance months ago. It is all up to me to get my healthy lifestyle back. However, I use work as an excuse for eating my time. Am I afraid that I wont get back my old form?

In basketball, I am not the best offensive player. I am weak and small so it is a disadvantage for me to rough it up in the shaded area. My outside shooting percentage is not accurate too. My dribbling and passing needs work as well. I could say that my bread and butter is defense. I could hound the ball handler anytime. I could swipe the ball while the opponent goes for a break away layup. I could sacrifice my body to get a charge. I could block the bigs from the blindside.

In ultimate, my throws badly needs improvement. I only know flick and backhand. In addition, I get rattled especially when I am marked and throw Hail Mary passes. I could play mid but I need to work on the timing of my cuts. I could play long and catch those huck throws like a dog. But just like in basketball, I live in defense specifically in zone.

However, with my not fully healed knee how could I do all those things that I mentioned? It is very frustrating indeed. Yet, I have to start somewhere in order to move forward. And what great way to honor my comeback through playing in my first ever international tournament!

I joined a team which was only formed for the tournament. Lacing up my cleats and stepping on the field gave me butterflies again for I know physically I am not 100%. All that aside, I could not ask for a better first experience. I really learned tons of stuff and met new people from various parts of Asia.

It was truly a great honor to play in team who really loves the game and with excellent spirit. Though it still pains me to think that we lost by Universal, as a first timer reaching the finals was a bonus. It may appear as a failure of not winning the championship. Yet, it is just a lost game, not heart. Now I am one step closer to getting my mojo back to success.

On Relationships

I haven't been in a serious relationship for the longest time. Also I wouldn't consider my past one as real one even if we lasted more than a year because when I look back at that event in my life it was not serious. I was a kid and so was he thus it was merely puppy love.

There were instances when people thought I was in a relationship but to be honest it never reached that point. A couple of guys showed their interest and intention but there was no commitment involved in my end. Timing was not right for Mr. Miles Away. Agent Orange lacked the characteristics to sweep me of my feet. Refinite was too trying hard. Futbolero was a player. There was no The One. Then again maybe I am just choosy.

Should the drought of the male species be a cause of an alarm? My mom gave the go signal to pair me with a brave Singaporean. My younger brother spilled his bottle of beer when he found out that I had a boylet. My aunt interrogated me at our recent family reunion. And the list continues.

I know it has been a decade or so. Is it time to panic? No. In God's time when God's best is ready and when I am ready to be his God's best. But I pray and hope that it would be soon cause... I am ready for you... My One and Only. <3

On Pagod

Every single freaking day is a struggle. Sleep is prolonged due to the agony of another work day. Feet are dragged daily towards the office. Deep breaths are taken upon entering the prison.

Maybe I need a break. Maybe I am just burned out. But what use will a vacation do if when I get back I will face the same shit?

I do not want to throw the white flag. But I cannot seem to see the light at the end of the long and winding tunnel.

Nakakapagod
Ano nga ba ang tama?
Ano ang dapat?

Day 1 of 21 in Exile

I ran out of excuses and options and now I am in exile. That is the fact. So instead of being negative, might as well embrace the situation for time does not and shall never equal experience.

So how was Day 1?

First day was a day of firsts. It was my first time to take a dump on air. My first time to live on my own. My first time to eat in a restaurant wherein everything serve was bathed in chilli.

Through these experiences I've learned that despite the circumstances when one has to go one has to go. No questions asked. Moreover, given the situation, one will make do with what is given in order to survive.

Cheers to more firsts!