One of those Conversations

This is long overdue. Finally! How I wish we can do this more often.

I wont make you sleep.

Did anyone tell you that you are beautiful and sexy?

Sexy! If I was making you bola I would have said you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

Eh, those are photoshop-ed . This is real.

You are hot!

That is why I did not marry my ex because I cannot see my future seeing her when I wake up.

Darn it!

Dapat hindi ako yung pinagpipilian. Dapat ako ang pumipili!

Weakness

Could my officemate be right? Do I have a "thing" for athletes -- or at least for people who are into sports?

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.

Damnit! What should I do?
Talk about it?
Or just let things be and suffer this uneasiness?

The word Athlete comes from the latin athleta and the Greek athlEtEs, which means to contend for a prize, from athlon, prize, contest. So am I his prize?

Wala lang.

Was it?

But come on… who am I not to forgive? Christ was able to forgive fully so who am I not to? Moreover, as if it was officially “us”. There were conversations regarding our friendship but there was never an “us”.

So why this entry?

You tell me!

Make Every Moment Count

After months without exchanging stories with someone, it is expected to catch up or begin from where you previously left. Whatever that events that transpired since your last contact may or may not be pretty conversation topic at present, but is there any choice on where to begin? The chronicles you have exchanged in the past may be your life’s interest before but may be otherwise currently.

Thus, this only proves that change is inevitable. You may still have feelings for a certain person in the past but the degree or type of feeling will never be the same in any instance. It may have blossomed…. or died.

I guess that is how life goes. Thus, you should not be like a horse that is blinded with your goal/destination and in return, you forget to enjoy the journey.

Lesson: Make every moment count!

Still Looking

Why search for things that you know would hurt you?

Amo

Have you ever been silently in love with someone you can never have?
So near and yet so far... So close you can touch his hand yet, yet so far to feel his heart..

Have you ever lived in pretense quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that is unknown hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally but put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside you are in pain and suffering but outside you are jolly and laughing.

WWW

Waiting...
Would you even remember?
Would you even care?
Waiting impatiently...
Would time give the answer?
Would it make any sense?
Waiting endlessly..
Would it be time to give up?
Would it be better to let go?

Hay.

I know that I should walk away but I feel a tiny hope inside of me.

Should I give it a shot knowing that I have no chance? Would I still try knowing that it would not work out?

Since my life is greatly influenced by basketball....

"It is like a championship game. Two seconds left on the clock. My team is down by one. I have the ball and I am open for a jump shot. Should I take the shot or not? If I make it, we win and celebrate. If I do not make it, we lose and go home crying. So I might as well take that shot and in case I miss it, I will still cry but it would be less painful knowing that at least I tried."

One of those conversations...

If only it could be us. Sana we ended up together nalang. If only we met earlier. It is just so complicated.

Huh? What are you talking about?

You sound disappointed. Don’t you wish na it was just us nalang?

Why, what are we right now?

MU… Mag-un.

Wahahaha, no seriously, what do you want?

I want you.

Having said that, what are you going to do to achieve that goal?

Reach out and grab my prize.

No, seriously, what do you plan to do to attain your goal?

Everyone makes mistakes. Then again, these mistakes may be corrected and that is what I am doing. Life is complicated. But if it wasn’t complicated then it wouldn’t be life.

Impossible is nothing, diba? Adidas ka naman, right?

Well, yeah… now, I throw the question back at you, do you think it is possible to be us?

It depends.

Wow. How assuring...

Fine… yes, why not?

So what will you do?

Just wait.

Just wait?!? You cannot just wait.

Well, what can I do? It is not as if my side is the one that is complicated. Of course, I need to fix some stuff but it is not that complex compared to yours… but the thing is how long can I wait?

You make me want to cry. You’ve been so good to me.

Well, I knew before hand that you are a bad boy.

Really? Bad boy in what sense? Basagulero? Yosi? Inum? Mayabang? In what sense?

Yes in all counts that you mentioned. That is what I heard from people. But then again, I do not know you yet personally, so why not give you a chance. Let me find out. So when I found out this and that based from my experience, yes, I was disappointed, cause who wouldn’t be? But not that much because someway, I was ready or expected it.

Promise, I will fix things. Give me xxx time.

On Pregnancies

Okay great. At first, it was the youngest. Then after a year, kuya followed. I guess unica hija got envious so now she is 3-4 months already.

I assume it really runs in the family.

Bato bato sa langit

the whole context in which we met was innocent
it wasn't me who led
one long day it came with a rush
whom have you worked this magic on before?
you hide your thoughts and shroud yourself in mystery
when did you make a hole inside of me?
trapped in this room, suffocating in your niceties
somehow i want to hide myself somewhere away from you

-- Shiina Ringo

One of those questions

Why do people leave?
Do they leave so that they can come back?

So are you coming back... with a baggage?

Whatever!

Oh Grit

Bravery is difficult to acquire. It takes time, a day… week… months… to unearth the guts to act on something uncomfortable… time to set aside uncertainties. Even if unsure of the outcome, one digs deep to find the nerves to overcome fears. Desperately tries to anticipate the consequences nonetheless can never be prepared of the results.

Grit is doing disconcerting things. It is an admirable characteristic to possess. I appreciate it even if it took you half a year to be MAN enough to reveal the UNFORGIVABLE act you engaged in.

All I can say is…

Thank you for the delayed honesty.

...

i'm doing well. hey, i wanted to talk to you for the longest time..

What a question...

So...naging kayo ba ni... *insert name*?

My reply: NO!

gave me a talaga lang look

---
This wasn't the first time I was asked this question. What the heck. What made them think that?

Then again, everyone is entitled with their own opinion.

Still..

What a question!

Chronicles of an Emobear for May

…knew the signs wasn’t, right I was stupid for awhile…

At times, a so-called mistake done once may become a sick cycle. They say that a thing which occurred once may never happen again. But if there is a second time, surely there is a next time. So why allow and situate yourself to commit this blunder? What triggers it?

Maybe perhaps wishful thinking, belief that people change, benefit of the doubt or perhaps plain stupidity…

Perhaps perhaps perhaps…

So was I ever loved by you? Or did you feed me lies of some idealistic future?

Movie 17

Pan's Labyrinth

Information = Power?

Listen to what is shared…respond as if “interested”… ask questions that do not sound suspicious and accept and digest whatever is uttered.

Is being an observer of psychological creatures unhealthy? Should some things be left at it is? Would lesser knowledge be better? Would it be better to be left in the dark rather to be lost in a blitz of confusion and not knowing what is real or not?

What is the deal? You said you wanna marry before you reach 30 so that you would still have the energy and physical capabilities to play with your kids. However, there are many obstacles with this plan of yours… such as not having a degree and not having anyone to be your wife.

Wala nga ba talaga? Kamusta naman yung nangyari sa Pudlot? Dinaya ka ba? Iniwan ka ba? O ikaw ang gago?

Stop playing with emotions… cause if you do not, I will stop playing your game.

Chronicles of an Emo Bear 104

I should be happy right now because this was the sign I prayed for. This is what I wanted. This is the “right thing” to do. You just made it easier with your “stupidity”.

BUT… why does it feel so difficult?

It is so damn difficult to push away someone you desperately want to stay because it is the “right thing” to do. But what hurts more is when find yourself still wishing the person is there despite the fact the person cannot be with you.

“The farther I go away from you… the closer you feel inside…”

Anak ng…so EMO!

Movie 13

The Good Shepherd