On Pasko

Nagpunta ko sa grocery
Para bumili ng tinapay
At narinig ko "Rudolf the red nose reindeer"

Naaamoy mo ba yun?
(sniff) Ano?
Pasko na!


Nakaka-miss ang Pinas!

On Hobby

If you do something regularly it would be difficult to get out of it especially if it is something you have invested on and is already a huge part of your life. I started to engage in sports at an early age. I first picked up a basketball when I was at Kinder. During summer vacations, I would play patintero, cops and robbers, monkey-monkey and the like with my cousins and neighbors. My parents also enrolled me at swimming classes when I was seven. During grade school, I ate lunch under a tree at the driveway. After 20 minutes, I was up and about and played patintero, land-water-air, 10-20 or relay. Dismissal was time for badminton and shooting some baskets.

At grade 6 I became a member of the basketball varsity until I graduated highschool. When I entered college, I had every intention to stop and concentrate on my studies but someone approached me and asked me to play and I did. I had a short break when I got employed and picked up a badminton racket once a week to keep fit. But I eventually got back to basketball with my fellow addicts. Iba na talaga pag first love.

Come 2009 I was introduced to my second love – Ultimate. Mondays weren't that blue and Wednesdays weren't camel-like anymore because I had something to look forward after work on non-basketball days. Clearly, my life evolved around sports.

Over the past two weeks I stopped my urge to engage in sports. I choose to distance myself with my teammates so I won't get jealous. Then again, who am I kidding? My mind is in tuned with what's happening to my teams.

My officemate asked me, other than sports, what do I do? I cannot seem to find an answer and reflected if I can a life without sports. I think would go insane. But I am still alive after two weeks. I guess one of these days I will learn to accept a routine without sports. I just need to pick up another hobby.

Any suggestions?

Para Sa Iba

The moment I landed I knew there was something wrong. But the competitor in me kept going and finished the game. Despite the pain in my knee (I forbid to call it an injury), I finished the remaining games of summer league and continued to play in another tournament in which I never missed a practice and game.

If logic should take into play, I should have an "injury timeout". Everyone is telling me to have a break and that I am punishing my body. But I promised myself once a upon a time that I will continue to engage in sports as long as my body can.

I got in night league. Many were not fortunate enough to make the cut. Is this a sign for a last hurrah before having a break? But I am having second thoughts. I know that if I do, I would be pushing my body to the limit once again. This would be a great opportunity to test how far I can go.

I know that I am not 100%. I cannot sprint nor leap. But as they say, "laging mayroong paraan kapag gugustuhin". I can still run and jump. Despite my current physical condition, I was able to give end zone assists and catch the disc. The question is, will I be contented with this mediocre performance?

Nakaka-frustrate! Kaso gaanon talaga. Weak ako! Ang maganda sa ngayon, tanggap ko nang mahina na ako. Pero nagpapalakas na ako para sa iba.

On Keeping It In

In as much as I would love to let it all out... I can not. I must remain calm at keep my emotions at checked. I have bursted out a number of times and it was not a pretty sight. I do not want a repeat of those instances so I must keep it in.

Then again, how could I keep it in? It seems like a tug of war between what is supposedly good and what I love. Indeed it is a tough situation. However, I must really control my urge and keep whatever this is to myself for hopefully a brighter tomorrow.

:|

Lakas ng loob.
Malalampasan din 'to.
Kuya Jess, please help.

:|

On Kinakabahan

Hoping for the best
But cant help not to freak out
Jess, Your will be done.

On MRI

Laid on the hard "bed"
Stood up for a CR break
Liquids out, Inhaled

Laid on the hard "bed"
Headphones on to mask the noise
Positioned leg left

Slowly I went up
Inside the machine I go
Hola, MRI

The soothing music
Was drowned by the random sounds
Keep still, Katitay

30 minutes passed
Movement out from the machine
That was it, pansit

Results please be kind.

On Facebook Status

You were my high school infatuation. If I remember correctly we got introduced through common friends. My barkada which was composed of all girls was the counterpart of your barkada which was obviously all boys. Come Prom, I opted to ask you to escort me instead of the obvious choice. You gladly said “YES”, and you in turn asked me to accompany you in your Prom as well. Of course I was kilig to the bones.

After the unexpected event two months ago there was no follow-up. I took the initiative but you did not take the opportunity. Thus I decided not to pursue further. Lo and behold, you started the communication -- cause you needed something. Naturally, as a friend, I directed you to the right path and you were grateful. For me that is enough.

Then again, how come I felt something when my friend mentioned that you are always some girl who is your significant other? I know you are into flings, so I guess that is just one of them cause per FB, you are still single. But, how reliable is that relationship status anyway?

On Headlights

Stupidity strikes once again.

Pa-uwi na ako galing Ultra. Kakaliko ko lang sa San Miguel Ave. galing Julia Vargas tapos mayroong enforcer na sumesenyas na tumabi. Nung papalapit na ako tsaka ko na-realize na ako nga talaga ang pinapatabi kasi wala ng ibang sasakyan sa likod ko. Oh noes.

Enforcer: Ma'am according to article blah blah, section blah blah, bawal po na walang headlights.
Me: *checks* Ahh, wala po ba akong headlights?
Enforcer: Malayo palang kitang kita na walang headlights.
Me: *opens headlights* Oo, nga noh.
Enforcer: Naku Ma'am, kailngan ko makita ang lisensya yo.
Me: Talaga? E asa likod e.
Enforcer: Ma'am pakita po.
Sister: Baka naman po pwedeng warning lang? New driver kasi.
Enforcer: Lisensya po Ma'am.
Me: *gets out to get license*
Enforcer: Ma'am saan po ba kayo galing?
Me: Ultra
Enforcer: Naku Ma'am ang layo yo na pala, buti kung sa parking lang.
Me: Hindi ko po napansin. Maliwanag po kasi dito.

Pagpasok ko uli sa coche wala yung enforcer.
Me to sister: What if i-go ko na ito?
Sister: ATEEEE!

Dumating yung enforcer.
Enforcer: Ma'am lisensya po.
Me: *gives license* So kuya ano po bang patakaran sa no headlights?
Enforcer: Ma'am, may dalawang options po kayo.
Me: Ano po iyon?
Enforcer: Kukunin ko ang lisensya yo at bibigyan ko kayo ng temporary. Tapos kukunin yo sa Pasig.
Me: Ahh, ganoon ba? Hindi ko kasi talaga napansin. First time ko lang kasi hawakan tong coche.
Enforcer: Opo Ma'am, baka mahassle kayo kasi 5-working days yun e.
Me: Pero kung yun ang patakaran, e di ganun.
Enforcer: Ma'am baka magulat kayo kasi kelangan pang tubusin.
Me: E, pasensya po, kung yun naman po ang patakaran.
Enforcer: Ma'am may 2 options po tayo...
Me: Ano po iyon? Kung yun yung sa patakaran, e di ganun.
Enforcer: Ma'am, sigurado po kayo?
Me: Pasensya po Sir, alam ko na mali ako...
Enforcer: Ma'am, inuulit ko po, may 2 options po tayo....
Me: Pero ayan na oh, nakabukas na. Baka ok na?
Enforcer: May 2 options po tayo, delikado kasi yung walang headlights.
Me: Kung yun nga po ang sa patakaran...pero ok na siguro ngayon nakabukas na oh...
Enforcer: Sige Ma'am, next time po siguraduhin yong bukas ang headlights yo, cause kasi yan ng accidents.
Enforcer: *hands me my license*
Me: Salamat po.

On Second Opinion

Today marks the second month of the eventful day when I landed on both of my folded knees. The pain is not that grave anymore. I can run, but I cannot sprint. I can jump, but I cannot leap. Since it has been THAT long and the pain has not completely subsided, I decided to get a second opinion.

Ortho did not look at my x-ray. He just looked at the reading, asked me questions regarding what happened, pinched my knee and moved my leg like a puppet. Based from that he concluded that I have ACL. He looked so sure about it. Parang wala lang, ACL yan. Taena!

After my consultation with Ortho, I was endorsed to the Rehab doctor. Rehab doctor read the "letter" from Ortho and basically asked the same questions. This time around Rehab checked the x-ray. Then she created a physical therapy plan for my left knee and tight quads/hams. Hello to another 6 sessions of PT! But take note that ACL related exercises/activities were not included in the plan.

Oh well towel. Results of the MRI on August 23 will have the answer. I wish and pray that this is just a nuisance alarm. A wake up call not to overwork my body. No, I would like to think that this is just a wake up call to be more diligent in taking care of my body and to take time for strengthening and flexibility.

Kuya Jess isinusuko ko na po ang lahat sa Inyo.
Kayo na po ang bahala sa akin.
Salamat.

On First Love

I will always remember my first love. Our first meeting was a bit awkward. The circumstances were not within the norms. My parents, especially my mom, raised an eyebrow. However, as I spent more time with you I became comfortable and slowly got attracted. Moments with you soon became pleasurable almost like an addiction.

We had a long journey filled with more downs than ups. Hearts were crushed. In the process I became stronger as I rose after each and every failure.

An experience of passionate love is truly indescribable. During the time we were apart, I have met others. But even so, it is undeniable that there is still SOMETHING that will linger between us. You will always be a part of me cause somehow you have influenced the person that I am today.

A first love is indeed unforgettable.

On Moving On

I realized that trying to move on is useless. It is difficult. As long as there is still something lingering there is a possibility that I would fail. Whenever I deny the pain I would just fool myself and risk my well-being.

Thank you that when I opened my eyes I felt calm and relaxed. The pain is still there but not that intense anymore. Then and there I knew that the turmoil is almost over.

Here we go again! Baby steps... :)

On Long Term

Am I ready for a long term commitment?
How would life be if my time with the things I enjoy are compromised?
Would I still be sane?

Do the pros weigh heavier than the cons?
Am I willing to sacrifice temporary pleasure for long term goals?
Am I ready to take that huge step to be that person?

Abangan...

On Crush

It feels good to smile for "no apparent reason". It definitely adds color to the monotone life. There may be no certainty, yet the thought is very much welcomed.

So I ask myself, why am I still single? Is it really by choice or rather lack of choices? Do I need to be more presentable aka kikay? Should I keep my thoughts inside the thought bubble?

But this is what I am sure of, it does not follow just because someone is single the person does not know a thing about love. In reality, going solo is wiser than being in a relationship at the wrong time.

Note to self. Patience. Ang TNC ay masaya kahit na single. :)

On Something and Nothing

It does not follow that there is really something if a handful of people say they see and feel something. The eyes may deceive and make actions appear otherwise. The brain thinks it sees something thus it processes this cognitive thought that they feel something.

Ika nga ni Bob Ong, “Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”

If there is really something then something should have transpired. So what is this entry for if there is really nothing?

On Cases

Case A:
He was the favorite. The outstanding student, pure gentleman and perfect friend. But I had other concerns at that point in time. I guess that was really the Ultimate's will cause eventually he had to migrate. Now, he is busy helping and saving people as a career. On top of that, he is finishing his graduate studies. I guess work and school take most of his time that is why he is still single. Despite that, he still finds time to keep in touch and take care of his 300 like physique.

Case B:
He is the best friend of the boyfriend of my close friend. An artist and a writer. He is kinda small so I guess that explains his huge ego. Don't know his current state at present but we are civil.

Case C:
He was a gag that turned into a reality. A board passer (after the second try) and a Technology Support Engineer by profession. Currently in a relationship per FB. Guess he is still bitter and chooses to ignore me.

Case D:
He was the source of entertainment. The class clown, MJ performer and bisyo king but a softy deep under. It took him a sabbatical to put things in perspective and eventually graduate IE. He is a Business Development Manager and pursuing his masters in Applied Economics on the side. And guess what? My fellow tarsier is happily married.

Case E:
He is a certified player. Once part of the football national team. So fast so furious like a horse not only on the field but also with his relationships which is not ideal. Still a fitness buff as a personal trainer and an entrepreneur helping out in his family business. A father and soon to be husband.

Case ME:
E ako, asan na ako sa mundong ito?

On Puzzles

Since I could not engage in physical activities for x number of weeks I turned to brain activity. I got this 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzle. Positive thinking, at least my motor skills and hand-eye coordination are put to the test. In addition, it helps keep my mind active and alert.

I believed it is serving its purpose because instead of sulking that I cannot do two things that I love I am preoccupied at putting the right pieces at the right places. Hopefully this jigsaw puzzle is not the only thing that I could complete. I wish in the future I could fix my life and put things in the right perspective so that I could honestly say I am really complete.

On PFPS, MPS & Plantar Fasciitis

Apparently my bruised knees aren't my only "problem". The uncomfortable feeling that I experienced whenever I take my first few steps in the morning had a deeper meaning. The tight muscles and stiff joints after Ultimate and Basketball was not simply due to exhaustion. There is a scientific/medical explanation for the pain.

Say hello to Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome (PFPS), Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS) and Plantar Fasciitis. What are those? All I know that the first two are related to the knees. Basically, it is the discomfort I feel in my knees because there are two bones that rub each other or something. In addition, there is this muscle or tissue that is weak. As for Plantar Fasciitis, it is related to the feet. It is either I'm flat footed or have falling arches.

Sadly, there is no direction solution for this. However, there are many things I can do to address the so-called problems. Ice is my new bff. Hello to 2 hours rehab and home exercises. On the lighter side, I can play. I just do not know what kind of pain or what-so-ever I will feel afterwards. Well, time to choose my battles carefully.

Fight!

On Real vs. Make Believe

What is real and what is make believe? Which is more powerful -- logic or imagination? To be in a state wherein the complication of logic and intellect vs. imagination and madness meet is mind boggling. Which should be given more value -- the mind or the heart?

Logic is based on facts -- stuff that are researched. However, there are instances when the intellect cannot come up with any decent explanation. This is when madness enters as we begin to think with our imagination.

It all starts in belief. Without it, we could not have attained what we thought was impossible. Thus, it takes a great imagination to dream. A dream to have a goal. A goal to motivate and the motivation to succeed!

So was THAT only an imagination or was THAT real?

On My 27th

On My 27th

Oh, how fast time flies
Today marks another year
In this planet

As I contemplate
How was my 27th
I have no answer

I went with the flow
No specific agenda
As long I'm happy

Fell in-love with life again
Journey to a better place
When one I'm at peace